Book Byte #62 "Stop Overthinking" by Nick Trenton

23 Techniques to Relieve Stress, Stop Negative Spirals, Declutter Your Mind, and Focus on the Present (The Path to Calm)

📣 Curious Quotes from the Author

“Many of us have become habitual overthinkers because it gives us the illusion that we’re doing something about the problem we’re overthinking about.”

“Acceptance doesn’t mean we agree with what happened or that we like it and shouldn’t try to change it. It only means we gracefully come to terms with what we can’t realistically change, so we can focus on what we can.”

“Communicate your needs and feelings directly, rather than suffering in silence.”

“The ancient Stoics understood these principles well, with Epictetus saying, “Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.” We have power over our minds, not outside events. So, if we continue to focus on outside events that we don’t have power over, the conclusion is obvious—we repeatedly experience powerlessness and therefore anxiety.”

“In other words, though it might not feel like it in the moment, a big cause of anxiety can come down to intrinsic factors within you as an individual.”

“Remember that forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person. When you forgive, you are releasing yourself from the stress and energy of resenting and blaming the other person.”

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“People who are not subject to anxious overthinking have mastered a particular attitude to life that’s characterized by flexibility, focus, resilience, and beneficial action.”

“Stress and anxiety are not the same thing. Psychologist Dr. Sarah Edelman explains that stress is something in the environment, an external pressure on us, whereas anxiety is our internal experience of this pressure.”

“A 2010 paper published by Killingsworth and Gilbert titled “A wandering mind is an unhappy mind” found that the brain is ultimately spending as much time stewing over what is not happening as it is over what is happening.”

“More alarming than this, overthinking can completely warp your perception of events in time, shaping your personality in ways that mean you are more risk averse, more negatively focused and less resilient. When you’re constantly tuned into Stress FM you are not actually consciously aware and available in the present moment to experience life as it is. You miss out on countless potential feelings of joy, gratitude, connection and creativity because of your relentless focus on what could go wrong, or what has gone wrong.”

“The first thing you need to remember is a mantra called the 4 As of stress management. These are avoid, alter, accept, and adapt. Avoiding things entails simply walking away from things you can’t control. Some things are simply not worth the effort and are best removed from our environments”

“If the situation is one in which you’ve been wronged, acceptance may take the form of trying to find a way to forgive. Remember that forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person. When you forgive, you are releasing yourself from the stress and energy of resenting and blaming the other person.”

“You miss out on countless potential feelings of joy, gratitude, connection, and creativity because of your relentless focus on what could go wrong or what has gone wrong.”

“Anxiety always lives elsewhere. It lingers around in the past, worrying about what has already happened (i.e., is out of your control, see attitude 1), or floats uselessly into the future, imagining a million stressful possibilities. But conscious awareness and useful action don’t belong elsewhere: they live in the present.”

“Many of us have become habitual overthinkers because it gives us the illusion that we’re doing something about the problem we’re overthinking about. So, if James is worried about his health, it’s natural that him overthinking endlessly about the various causes and solutions makes it seem like he’s trying to get to the bottom of the issue. But the truth is that overthinking often doesn’t lead anywhere, because the overthinker gets trapped in the cycle of analyzing, rejecting, and reconsidering different possibilities. It’s like scratching an itch that just won’t go away. You can scratch it to feel some momentary relief, but it won’t make the itching stop despite how good scratching might feel.”

“So he stops stressing about his health…and starts stressing about his thoughts about his health.”

“In fact, the moment he has that thought, his head is filled with seemingly millions of examples of all the times people have criticized him.”

📚 Cognition of the Book’s Big Idea:

Pondering abstract ideas can be beneficial, but overthinking can lead to undue tension. If this sounds similar, it's time to embrace your emotions without judgment and identify what's generating or exacerbating your worry.

Remember that you cannot avoid all of life's uncertainties; nevertheless, you can manage them more effectively by changing your attitude and perspective. So consider who, where, and what is creating your negative thoughts and actions. Then, use the tools and exercises we've provided to modify your cognitive patterns and quit overthinking.

🛠️Fixing the Tech Industry

The Negative Feeling Death Loop is ominous in name and terrible in practice. The more we feel negative emotions, the more we dwell on them and the more negative emotions we feel. We throw rocket fuel on them specifically when we are in isolation and we really need someone at that point to pull us out, but if we don’t, we continue to spiral.

Techies are more susceptible to this type of thinking. We “Overthink” about solving our own problems but trying to find the magic trick or hack to make everything better again. However, it’s a trap, because most of the time we can’t pull ourselves out of it, we need other people to help us find that those emotions are just emotions and we should recognize them but not give in to them.

🤝Collaborate with others with this Social Media Prompt:

Do you overthink things too much? What Pattern Interrupt can you make when you realize you are starting to think too much?