Book Byte #119 "Do Hard Things" by Steve Magness

Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

📣 Curious Quotes from the Author

“We tell our children to believe in themselves, without explaining how to develop that belief. We’ve fallen for the Instagram version of confidence, emphasizing the projection of belief, instead of working on the substance underneath. We need a new approach to building confidence, one focused on the inside.”

“Clutch required choosing; flow required experiencing. Two different states. Both bringing about top performance. One requires grit, the other grace. One accepting, the other a conscious decision. In many ways, the clutch-versus-flow paradigm reflects toughness. We tend to think of it as a singular method: push through, persist. But as we’ve come to realize, that’s a false constriction. Being tough means being able to choose the right strategy, given your abilities and the situation.”

“Research and practice are clear. Stress inoculation doesn’t work unless you have acquired the skills to navigate the environment you will encounter. As sports psychologist Brian Zuleger told me, “Telling people to relax doesn’t work unless you’ve taught people how to actually relax. The same goes for mental strength. The historical way to develop toughness was to do something physically challenging, and you’d have a fifty-fifty shot if they thrived. You have to teach the skill before it can be applied.” Throwing people in the deep end doesn’t work unless they’ve been taught the basics of how to swim.”

“Research consistently shows that tougher individuals are able to perceive stressful situations as challenges instead of threats. A challenge is something that’s difficult, but manageable. On the other hand, a threat is something we’re just trying to survive, to get through. This difference in appraisals isn’t because of an unshakable confidence or because tougher individuals downplay the difficulty. Rather, those who can see situations as a challenge developed the ability to quickly and accurately assess the situation and their ability to cope with it.”

“real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective at getting results than the old one.”

“True Confidence Is Quiet; Insecurity Is Loud”

“In an increasingly distractible world, we’re slowly losing the ability to sit with our thoughts and experiences. When our inner self becomes foreign, we become hyperreactive to anything it says.”

“When I went back and compared motivation styles to performance improvement over each athlete’s career, one factor stood out. Those who scored high in a particular type of extrinsic motivation called external regulation had lower improvement rates. External regulation is defined as when “the sport is performed not for fun but to obtain rewards (e.g., praise) or to avoid negative consequences (e.g., criticisms from parents).” The five highest-ranked athletes in external regulation were five athletes who showed the least amount of improvement.”

“The old model of toughness, in essence, throws people into the deep end of the pool but forgets that we need to first teach people how to swim.”

“An honest appraisal is all about giving your mind better data to predict with.”

“When our self-worth is dependent on outside factors, we have what researchers call a contingent self-worth. We derive our sense of self from what people think and how we are judged. We give over control to external factors. When we utilize idle praise and combine that with undeserved rewards, we create an environment ripe for developing contingent self-worth.”

📚 Cognition of the Book’s Big Idea:

Acting tough and being tough are not the same thing. Moving away from false concepts of toughness and toward listening to your body, emotions, and inner voice can allow you to develop the long-term resilience to tackle even the most frightening difficulties.

Allow yourself a break.

If you are having problems dealing with a negative stimuli, attempt to gain some perspective. Consider how you'll feel about this subject in six months, a year, or 10 years. It's an extremely quick approach to clear space around the stimulus and redefine its importance.

🛠️Fixing the Tech Industry

Mental Toughness is an attribute we would all love to have, but no one ever wants to develop. If we were to practice doing hard things, they would seem less hard the more we do them. However, fear drives us more often than not, and that fear keeps us from progressing to where we should be. Don’t let fear stop you from becoming who you can be, you’re going to grow old anyways, might as weel feel like your progressing in your life.

🤝Collaborate with others with this Social Media Prompt:

What’s one habit you can master to help you build mental toughness everyday?

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